Last BBS Thing Of The Day

[Cassie]

I wish Hulk Hogan was my math teacher.

[christmas]

You have my permission to euthanise me.

[CaptainWacky]

___________________________________

"Let me tell you something, brothers, mathsamania is here to stay, so you better get learning, dudes!" said Hogan to his class.

"What about the girls?" asked a girl. "Can we learn too?"

"I meant everyone," snapped Hogan. "Just because I said 'brothers' and 'dudes' doesn't mean I was excluding girls, okay? You smartarse kids..."

"Why are you a maths teach now anyway?" asked the girl. Some of the class sniggered. "Aren't you some bigshot wrestling guy...brother?"

"Just shut up and do your maths, bitch!" said Hogan, angry. Some of the class gasped.

"You can't talk to her that way," said a boy.

"I can talk however I stinking well want, brother!" said Hogan, ripping his shirt off. "I made this business, brother!"

"...the maths business?" asked the boy. Everyone laughed. Hogan looked angry. He'd never hit a child before, but...

"Look, we all know what happened," said the smartarse girl. "Your sex tape got out there. You said some racist stuff on it. You had to take a job as a maths teacher. We know."

"It's not fair!" said Hogan. "In another timeline I won the case against Gawker and dropped the big leg on them! But in this stinking nasty reality, I have to teach maths to you punks! And I can't even have sex with any of you!"

"I'm fourteen!" said the girl.

"Not you, you're ugly," said Hogan. "But the hot girls...like her at the back with the tits...man...but I can't get some of that because I'm a teacher and I'm supposed to be responsible!"

"And because I'm fourteen too," said the hot girl.

"Sure," said Hogan. "Sure..."

"Look, could you just teach us some maths?" asked a nerdy boy.

"No way, brother!" said Hogan. "Wait, you said maths? Not maps?"

"OF COURSE HE SAID MATHS, THIS IS A MATHS CLASS," shouted an android student.

"Okay!" said Hogan. "Here we go! Some maths, dudes! Okay, so...one...plus one...equals....six!"

Everyone stared at him for a minute in silence.

"Okay, I don't know any maths," said Hogan, hanging his head in shame.

___________________________________________________________

[Cassie]

Maybe Bubba the Love Sponge is teaching the maps class.

[CaptainWacky]

______________________________________

"Can't I teach something else?" asked Hogan. "Kitten class or something?"

"What's kitten class?" asked the headmaster.

"Fuck you fuck life," said Hogan and pulled out a gun and shot himself in the head, dying.

"That was unexpected," said the headmaster, masturbating.

___________________________________________


you see

everything eneds


evne hulkg honga

hulk hogan will die

and all his thoughts and dreams

all his memories

all his emotions

everything that was Hulk Hogan

shall be gone

and sure we'll have our memories of him

we'll have videos of his many wrestling matches and his sex tape

but hogan will be dead

his brain will be dead

other people remembering you is not immoratliy

you are your own unique point of view

you are your brain

that's all you are

that's whatneeds to survive and never can

so it's all hopless

fjh
sjpgj9pdhjphd
h
gp
hg
hdghdhyitgr9pjrtjrth
hrt
h
h
hrtpgt
rg
h

t
rp

e
ht
e
pe
h
e
e

yr9y5

why can't everyone who postedon TK just post here and as often as they di there?

gllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffdgttttttttgpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp###t##

just want to sleep all the time

[Cassie]

STILL NO ISHCABITTLE

[CaptainWacky]

lol he'll never join

[CaptainWacky]

will be stuck at fifteen members (seven active) forever

_________________________________________________

Charles Horse knew they didn't know what he really was. They'd look at him, sometimes. Trying to figure out what he was. They'd look him up and down. They often wouldn't even try to hide the puzzlement on their faces. Like it didn't matter if they treated him with disdain. Like they didn't care if he knew what they were thinking about him. They thought he was some kind of idiot. Some kind of retard. Whatever you want to call it. They didn't think he was normal. How could they? How could anyone? And in that, at least, they were right. Charles Horse was not normal, not be a long shot.

But Charles Horse was no idiot.

He understood what was going on round him. He was intelligent. He had no emotiona intelligence, no social intelligence, that was true. But he was no fool. He could think. And he could judge too.

He was judging them all. Putting them on his list. And when it was time, when he had the power...he'd strike names off that list.

Charles Horse laughed to himself after a teenage boy stared at him in disgust. He would go on the list. The revenge list.

Whent he aliens came and gave Charles Horse complete control of reality he'd make them all pay.

Now who was the retard?

______________________________________________________

[Cassie]

Charles Horse will bring the day of reckoning

[CaptainWacky]

_____________________________

"I AM MENTAL BRIAN AND I RUN THE NOSES," said Mental Brian.

"Brian, calm down," said his robot helper.

"MENTAL BRIAN KNOWS NOT OF THIS 'CALM' OF WHICH YOU SPEAK," said Mental Brian. "I'LL EAT YOUR MENTAL CUNT."

"I don't have a metal cunt," explained the robot, calmly. "I have no organs, sexual or otherwise. I am a robot helper. I am here to help."

"WHY DO YOU CARE?"

"My programming."

"MAYBE I SHOULD REPROGRAM YOU...WITH MY FISTS."

"I do not understand."

"I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU."

"That would only damaged your fleshy human body."

"FUCK YOU...METAL CUNT."

"What are you doing now?"

"HUMPING YOU."

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I AM MENTAL BRIAN AND I WILL HUMP YOU UNTIL I...OH, I FINISHED."

"Do you feel better now?"

"WELL IT DOES RELEASE PLEASURABLE CHEMICALS TO THE BRAIN, I GUESS."

"Doesn't your throat hurt from shouting so much?"

"NO...SHUT UP." Mental Brian coughed.

"I will get you a drink of water."

"THANK YOU...I MEAN FUCK YOU."

"I think you meant the first one."

"I MEANT...JUST...LET ME REST."

"Will you feel less mental if you rest?"

"YES."

"Rest, then."

"I'M NOT GOING TO TURN NORMAL THOUGH."

"I have no desire to turn you normal. Only to help."

"FUCK..."

Mental Brian had a good sleep. The robot tucked him in.

"How do you feel this morning, Mental Brian?" asked the robot the next morning.

"DId I have an incident last night?"

"You smashed all your televisions and threw a loaf of bread at a dog."

"And shouted a lot, judging by my throat."

"Correct."

"...thank you for taking care of me."

"Any time. It is my function...and my pleasure."

______________________________________________________

they both died in a fir ethe next day lol

[CaptainWacky]

gthdslhgjadgaf
sh
ahpshu9aru9ht
ttgn

n
f
h
dag9
e
u9h
eahr
a
9h9
r
-9ah9
eq
9yh5
qeh
t
sometiems you just go to stab that keyboard
t
d-eatu99t

g


STabBITY STAB

FUCK A DUCK

galja


KIS A CAT
g
aja
h
a9ph
t

CIS GENDER GFs


eh9eh
tr
g

don' kn

ufbn

life i sjust a serious of random wors

no structr

don't fallinto the structur trap
don't write a story

don't insert a fucking robot thing

fucking man talking to a robot ros someth shit

don't do it

you could die any moment

don't give the illusion of narrative

there is not narrative in life

you just make one up in your head

you think you can make your own reality

but you can't!

that's not reality!

the universe don'st care about your little fucking mind

ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg


ears hurts

gjjds




h

ear

just one ear

teeth

or somethign

whoc ares

gjij


g

maybe i should just write a story about a man talking to ar boot then

__________________

Man: DURR YOU A ROBOT

Robot: logic etc

Man: I have learned osmething

Robot: my CIRCUITS have learned something

___________________

good sotry
bvvh

maybe one od the best

no

this is how I express myself

typing nonsense words on the internet

sorry

it's alliv'e got

since I chopped my penis off to stop myself from masturbating

[Cassie]

You need to get a robot penis. IMO.

[CaptainWacky]

I DO NEED THAT AND ALSO A ROBOT BRAIN

______________________

His brainw as mset

s

s
h

his brain was meat

actual meat

just meat

nothing in it

just meat

he was a ghost haunting meat

hehehe

he wondered about children. about how they were smarter than him probably . more human anway. even children understood things he never could. beause his brain had holes in it. holes in the meat. they pitied him. they knew. everyone knew.

maybe he could fill the holes in som day. with robot parts.

no

never going to happen

just going to die

nothing matter

other people have ti worse

and they die too

so yeah

ther'es nothign special about you

no reason why "god" will fillt he wholes in

and there's no afterlife either obviously

why the fuck would there be

would why would there bet his life if you then live forever after it

forever

that's a fucking long time

why would you live a pathetic eighty years as a perso with holes in there brain and then get to exist for billions of years as a fucking undead spirit or some shit

seriously how can any cunt believe that

what the fuck

FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT

cunts

________________________________

[Eggs Loki]

At least we'll have Similar Threads for eternity.

And this

[CaptainWacky]

WHAT WILL LAST BBS BE LIKE IN A YEAR'S TIME?

[Eggs Loki]

It will never be May 17, 2017 (maybe).

[CaptainWacky]

____________________________

Taylor Swift stared at herself in the mirror for a long time. It had been a while since she's last really looked at herself. Her face hadn't changed at all. She used to check, at first, but eventually she'd accepted it. She was ageless. It had been over five years since she'd taken the power of a God into her body, since she'd become immortal. Since she'd stopped being human.

She wondered how much longer she'd be able to live a public life. She hadn't changed at all in over five years, and people were starting to notice. There were articles about her face, trying the find her "secret" to looking so young. There was speculation that she'd had plastic surgery. She didn't mind that, really. It distracted away from the truth. For now she could get away with it, but in another five years? What about when she was forty but still looked twenty five? She wouldn't be able to be Taylor Swift then...

Yet there was still so much for her to do. A cat from the future had told her that she would unite the world with her music. She'd worked hard on that, she really had. And she'd done some good. The world was generally a more peaceful place than it had been five years ago. But there was still war, still murder, still rape, still terrorists...her music could only do so much. How could she remove all evil from the world? She had promised herself she wouldn't go the death camp route. Yet sometimes...it seemed like the only way...

She sighed, still looking into the reflection of her own eyes. It was becoming harder and harder to feel human pleasure. Her orgies had gotten out of control. A man had died at one last week. Taylor had felt nothing, but she recognised it was a bad thing. She hadn't killed him, he'd had a heart condition he hadn't told her about and died having sex with another girl while Taylor had been making out with a nun. He could have died at any moment, she knew. And yet...somehow she felt responsible, in some part of her mind. And she knew the orgies would get even more out of control. She needed to find a new way to feel things.

Murdering bad people worked.

She started by killing a man who had raped a fifteen year old girl but gotten away with it after the police had messed up the investigation. She had known he was guilty. She could always tell a human's true character just by touching them. It was one of her powers. And she could sense there were other rapes too, ones nobody knew about. So she'd snapped his fucking neck and felt alive. What was so bad about that?

She shuddered. The person looking backing at her was that the person in her head. The music she made, so beautiful, so unifying...what if the world knew it came from an immortal murderer?

She smashed the mirror with her fist.

_________________________________________________

[Cassie]

YES TAYLOR, WIPE THEM OUT.

[CaptainWacky]

Cassie did you pretend your internet cut out last because you knew Tomtrek was about to come into chat?

[Cassie]

YES.

I waited by the modem for 30 minutes and then I gave up :'(