The Twitter thread of tweets.

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Fri Apr 22, 2016 6:58 pm

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts 21h21 hours ago

Portland > police enroute to area hospital, report of male subject in ER, claims GPS ankle bracelet is too tight, wants staff to cut it off.

Yes, they will totally do that for you.

Post by **Cassie** » Wed Apr 27, 2016 11:56 am

Florida Man ‏@_FloridaMan 18m18 minutes ago

Florida Man Flings Frozen Animal Carcasses Around Animal Control Office During Drunk Rampage With Fire Extinguisher

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Thu Apr 28, 2016 4:47 pm

haha!

Post by **Cassie** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 2:57 pm

jesseWilliams. ‏@iJesseWilliams 39m39 minutes ago

Man stabbed w Legend of Zelda Master Sword in serious condition. Unclear whether he collected any rupees on site.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/weird ... 67520.html

Post by **Cassie** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 2:58 pm

Shit, I have to include the article, IN CASE YOU'RE TOO LAZY TO CLICK THE LINK.

Few could doubt the power of the Master Sword, not only has it defeated countless incarnations of Ganondorf in the Legend of Zelda series, but now it has hospitalised a Texan.

A man was stabbed with the point of a replica of the legendary sword during a domestic dispute in the city of Katy.

Eugene Thompson told police how his girlfriend called her ex-husband for help after they got into an argument, with Thompson drawing the sword as a means of defence.

"And I pulled it out and I stood in the doorway and he was just coming down that hall at me while I was yelling ‘Go away, you don’t live here,'" Thompson said.

"And he just walked right into the point. I don’t know if he thought it was a toy."

The man declined to mention whether he collected any rupees following the incident.

The ex-husband was taken to hospital following the altercation, but not before he, in true Zelda fashion, smashed a pot (a flower pot, over the head of Thompson).

Police have yet to confirm whether or not charges will be filed.

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 4:38 pm

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts 2h2 hours ago

Portland-Police to Hooters (Jantzen Beach) for a suspicious female dancing in front of the restaurant, keeps walking in & out the front door

Perhaps she was trying to audition...

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 5:05 pm

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts 5h5 hours ago

Portland - Police to area of 82nd/Stark - report of an adult male being chased through the streets by his mother after he assaulted her

Don't mess with your mother.

Post by **Cassie** » Wed May 11, 2016 10:43 am

Emily Bett Rickards ‏@EmilyBett 17h17 hours ago

Since my neighbors like to remind me they have kids every morning I’m reminding them I’m Canadian by blasting Avril Lavigne all day.

CaptainWacky · Post by **CaptainWacky** » Wed May 11, 2016 2:20 pm

That's what good Canadians do!

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Wed May 11, 2016 4:54 pm

Take that people with kids!

Post by **Cassie** » Fri May 20, 2016 5:56 pm

Mike Booth Retweeted
Jeff X. Hayes ‏@JeffXHayes 9h9 hours ago

"What's that? We're protesting the new Ghostbusters movie? I'm on my way!"

Post by **Cassie** » Sat May 28, 2016 12:01 pm

leon ‏@leyawn 13h13 hours ago

sometimes you come across a headline so perfect you have to go offline for a while

CaptainWacky · Post by **CaptainWacky** » Sun May 29, 2016 11:41 am

He should have confirmed it.

CaptainWacky · Post by **CaptainWacky** » Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:06 pm

A conservative site is trying to pass off a pic of an actress from Evil Dead as an abused Trump supporter.

They still haven't taken it down even after Bruce Campbell told them how dumb they are.

Post by **Cassie** » Wed Jun 08, 2016 5:56 pm

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Fri Jun 10, 2016 4:13 pm

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts 1m1 minute ago

Portland - police to SE 2nd and Hawthorne - report of a suspicious male approaching random females and masturbating in front of them

That's what you get for going to Hawthorne!

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Fri Jun 10, 2016 4:15 pm

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts 10m10 minutes ago

Portland - Police responding to PacWest Center Office Building (SW 5th) - report of two males fist fighting over a chair

One wonders what kind of chair it was.

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts 28m28 minutes ago

Portland -Area of NE Alameda/77th Ave - subject calling 911 to report an "ant problem" in his neighborhood - wants police to respond

Call in SWAT!

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Fri Jun 10, 2016 4:17 pm

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts 3h3 hours ago

Portland >police to 2400 blk NE 38th, report of an unknown male wearing a hard hat and construction vest, drinking a beer on caller's porch.

One of the Village People must be in town.

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts 5h5 hours ago

Portland-Police to Southeast Health Center (SE 34th)-report of an angry man w/ a long beard hitting stuff w/ a baseball bat in parking lot

Angry hipster perhaps?

CaptainWacky · Post by **CaptainWacky** » Sun Jun 12, 2016 11:06 am

Probably a sexy chair.

Mirah · Post by **Mirah** » Tue Jun 14, 2016 12:58 am

Read Black Box. A story written entirely in twitter sized sentences!

The Last BBS

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