Alone
Posted: Fri Apr 19, 2019 6:55 pm
You are alone. You can't change that.
There is no one to turn to. You had very few people in the first place, and the few you had are unavailable. You relied on them. You depened on them. Without them you have to face what it is to be truly alone.
You see the truth of reality. The narrative you tried to writer for yourself was a lie. Of course it was, you always knew really. You were never special. There was never a plan. Things were never happening for a reason. There is just chaos. Nothing. Loneliness. You can't make things better any more than you can eat a table.
You just sit and wait.
Well you watch Japanese women's wrestling for a while. You do like that. You don't feel strongly as you watch it. It doesn't make the loneliness go away. It's just passing the time. Is life just passing the time until death?
Well yes of course it is.
You want the lie back. You want to believe in a purpose. You want to write a hideously long message board post and have a dozen people read it, but you know only one or two would. And would that make you feel any better? Would that count as impacting the universe in a positive way? Of course not.
You understand why people troll, why they tweet "FUCK YOU, CUNTNOSE" at celebrities in dark moments of despair. Anything's better than facing the truth.
You can't change anything.
There is no one to turn to. You had very few people in the first place, and the few you had are unavailable. You relied on them. You depened on them. Without them you have to face what it is to be truly alone.
You see the truth of reality. The narrative you tried to writer for yourself was a lie. Of course it was, you always knew really. You were never special. There was never a plan. Things were never happening for a reason. There is just chaos. Nothing. Loneliness. You can't make things better any more than you can eat a table.
You just sit and wait.
Well you watch Japanese women's wrestling for a while. You do like that. You don't feel strongly as you watch it. It doesn't make the loneliness go away. It's just passing the time. Is life just passing the time until death?
Well yes of course it is.
You want the lie back. You want to believe in a purpose. You want to write a hideously long message board post and have a dozen people read it, but you know only one or two would. And would that make you feel any better? Would that count as impacting the universe in a positive way? Of course not.
You understand why people troll, why they tweet "FUCK YOU, CUNTNOSE" at celebrities in dark moments of despair. Anything's better than facing the truth.
You can't change anything.
