Why do apples always have something wrong with them now?

[CaptainWacky]

Every time I eat an apple it's either bruised or soft are you bite into it and it's all disgusting or there's black things on it or something! I don't remember that from eating apples when I was young. What happened to apples?

[Eggs Loki]

No GMOs = imperfect produce.

[Cassie]

ALSO, they're probably picked when they're not ripe and then stored for months. I don't know when apple time is since I live on America's dong, but I do know there are times when apples are super good, and times when they are mushy and grainy.

[CaptainWacky]

Of course I'm probably only remembering the good apples from childhood and there were lots of shit apples then too.

[Eggs Loki]

It's funny to see those articles about what certain kinds of fruits/vegetables looked like a hundred years ago as opposed to today, just to show how their DNA has been modified over the decades in order to make them look/taste more perfect and cartoonish.

Funny indeed...

Where's my tinfoil hat...

[Dr Dave]

I blame the Torries.

[CaptainWacky]

Bananas used to be eight feet long!

[Eggs Loki]

And would walk ten miles in the snow to school and back -- uphill BOTH WAYS!

The harsh winters would wreak havoc on their peels.

[Cassie]

Everything I know about bananas I learned from Drunk History.

[Dr Dave]

I've eaten bananas on several occasions.

[CaptainWacky]

I eat them more than I eat most things!

[Cassie]

[Eggs Loki]

They're always coming up with new ways to stop those approaching tanks!

[CaptainWacky]

That's actually his body.

[Dr Dave]

I see the North Koreans are ready for war...

[Eggs Loki]

Each of those bananas has a tiny tunnel bored through their centers, so he can shoot blow darts through any one of them at any target, any time.

That's probably why no one is standin near him. Cuz he's DANGEROUS, and not because he's a silly twat wasting fruit. Nope.