Last BBS Thing Of The Day

[Cassie]

Peach will never forgive you!

[Eggs Loki]

Peach has needed a wakeup call for years.

[CaptainWacky]

trapped in a body he was trapped in his body in his skin he could feel his skin all around him it was keeping him in and it was keeping the world out but he didn't want to break out because then he'd be dead fucking dead he wanted fucking metal skin to keep him in so small so fucking small he could feel his heart beating the way he was lying so he moved he dind't want to feel that he didn't even want to think it stupid pathetic heart that could stop beating at any moment or fucking explode or something he had to retreat into his brain but his brain was so small so pathetic he couldn't even form a sentence he couldn't do anything and everything in his brain would be erased when he fucking died now he'd never be able to sleep he'd be up all night thinking because he was charles fucking horse
_____________________________________________________g
fh
hgs
hg
fhgshsfhshshh
hr
h
sh
rs
hr
shgs

df
jnhdnh

bjalfdkfdffffffffff

wil
g

googk

gfslg

gmayb
e
sjh
maybe if i type words something will hapepn

wors

ar

that's not a words

words lol

faahhahah
e
hfn
fgdgn
nd
nhy
bhhgg

a thousand monkeys wit a thous typwriters
f

fuk

ffks
f
auf
faf
f

no

the'res nothing

all alone in our heads

on our fragmented internet

all alone

forever

[CaptainWacky]

He didn't know how he'd kill Toadsworth. Of course he still had lots of Super Mushrooms left and he could take one and rip the old bastard apart. That would be easy. But what would happen after that? A giant Toad commiting murder inside Peach's castle would not go undetected. He would be attacked. He could kill them all. Go out murdering his fellow Toads. Maybe he could even pay Peach a visit...

No, not her. Never her. She was too beautiful. The thought of hurting Peach actually made him feel shame. And what if Mario came. What if he was slaughtering Toads and that smug git Mario came and jumped on his head, reducing him to normal size, then jumped on him again to kill him. Peach would give Mario a handjob for sure after that. It made him sick just thinking about it.

No, he would have to be crafty when killing Toadsworth.

[Cassie]

Lure him into the forest!

[CaptainWacky]

thrgfvbioiohfdiohgiosohitgiohsth

FUCKING TOTOHg
s
s
hgpshisgigtishdihtse
ht
hta
hts

thppthsht
h

h PAIN

kjhgjjjjjj

why is the internet so shit and dead now

I was going to review every episdoe of star trek

but only like two people will read it

and can i even be boethered

do I have anythinginteresting to say about Star Trek that hasn't already been said

no

andI know ic an make people care about hings

and they all have real lives and i don't

but still

i'msure the internet used to bemore of a community or something

_____________________

Charles Horse blew up a house.

Well, no, it was just a dream he was having.

When he woke up he remembered that he'd been planning to keep a dream journal.

To write down all his dreams so he could remember hem as he had some pretty good ones sometimes, or so he thought after having them.

But when he tried to think of this dream, really think of it, he could tell the details were already slipping away.

He could literally feel important parts leave his mind as he tried to think of them.

What was left?

A house blowing up.

That wasn't worth writing down.

That wasn't worth writing down at all.

Just like the story of Charles Horse's life, really.

Not worth writing down.

He laughed to himself at the irony.

Or whatever it was.

He could probably get back to sleep now.

He didn't have thoughts keeping him up anymore.

Everything was leaving his head.

Clearing out.

He didn't need thoughts.

They were all worthless.

___________________________


man that charles horse is a DEBBIE DOWNER isn't he

wow went eight minutes without my tooth hruting

it was seven minutes before

maybe it'sg etting better

probably nto though

nothing ever gets better

lol

__________________

maybe I should just watch star trek because I enjoy watching star trek and not worry about the fucking logisitcs!?

_____________________

maybe

_____________________

what am I even doing with thsi thing

__________________________

of the dya

_____________________

man

)))))))))))))))))))

I've gone not

___________

nuts

__________________

ooopps

___________

hit the wrong key

_____________

up there

_____________


hit 0000000000000000000

instead of -------------

wiat

those are both wrong
hit the wrong key twice
what a buffon!
what a moron
what a fucktard
what a rush
of scum


______________

what
gs

h
fg

fhs
htpgt


man

this will have to di

____________

do

not die

die?

die

death

just going to die

_______________

should have ended there

cant even finish a thing of the day right anymore

________________

maybe finish it now?

noo

need to keep going until there's a natural ending

should happen eventually

like death

________________

ah

that could have been a natural ending!

[Cassie]

Watch the Star Trek write the reviews. I WILL READ THEM.

[CaptainWacky]

I'll wait until I have less tv to watch/video games to play/things to wank over.

[CaptainWacky]

nhstssajg

just cosntant paina nd anxiety

worry about one thng, move ont ot worry about the next

yes loads of peope all over hte wolrd have it rose
worse

but who canres

cares

i'm not them

i'm me

i can only see things form my point of view

i can only compare to things i know

so there

and all know is my fucking body fucking wrong fucking brain fucking wrong it's all fucking wrong fucking internet fucking wrong need everything to be like i want it to be is that too much to fucking ask YOU FUCKERS?

fuck

yes

anyway

yes

africans are starving and so on

i know

but

what do you expect me to do

i'm not nrmal

normal

i' never goin to be gnoerm

I'mnevergoinhg to begs

i'm never gogighfh

i'm not nevr
t

i m' fg

i'm gg neve

I'm nevert tgoinh

I'm noeve roing g

I'm nevvvvvvvvv goiner

I'm nevet gog

I'm nevet

I'm nee

I'm not

I'm never going to tg

I'm ntever

I'm never going ot ebe norm

I'm nevrtoing

iI'mbbbbbbneverh

I'm never going to boe oht

I'm noever otg

I'm nevergoingtobenormal

I'm never goint ob enom

I'm never goin h to b

i'm never gong to be noramml

I'm never going to be norml

I'm never going to be normgl

I'm noever going tob enormal

I'm never hoing ot bre

I'm never going to boenorml

I'm never hoin

I'm never going to benomral

I'm nvr hoing

I'm never going to be norml

I'm nver oing

I'm never going to be normal

see?

_________________________

PIANO MAN: I AM PIANO MAN AND I EAT CHICKEN

Hat Lady: I don't see why you're shouting that at me in the park.

PIANO MAN: NEED CHICKEN.

Hat Lady: Go to KFC then.

PIANO MAN: I'M BANNED FOR PLAYING A PIANO IN THERE

Hat Lady: How did you get a piano into KFC?

PIANO MAN: I SHAT IT OUT MY ARSE.

Hat Lady: Oh, you're just a mental patient.

PIANO MAN: No one is "just" anything, lady.

Hat Lady: I am. I am the lady of hats. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. HATS! HAHAHAHAHA!

PIANO MAN: Wait, you're just a mental patient too. This...this is a mental hospital, isn't it?

Hat Lady: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

PIANO MAN: They keep medicating me and I keep forgetting. Every day. This is my life. Time doesn't pass for me. I am trapped, here, ageing, decaying, unaway. I will never know the outside world again. This is all I shall ever be. This same day, repeated over over.

Hat Lady: Want to have seX?

PIANO MAN: Sure.

(They have sexy the end.)

_____________________

"they have sexy"

fuck you

[Cassie]

I bet hat lady sews hats to bats heads.

[CaptainWacky]

"There are worms in my brain," said the Toad, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He was trying to figure out how he got here. Not how he ended up taking Super Mushrooms and murdered all those Koopas and Goombas. He understood all that perfectly. No, he was trying to understand how it had come to the point where he was going to murder Toadsworth. Sure, he didn't like the old bastard. And sure, he didn't like his fellow Toads very much. He could understand why: bitterness, resentment. But to actually kill one? Was it really all about his hatred of Mario? That hypocrite who'd invade Koopa land and murder hundreds of them then be declared a hero? Maybe.

Or maybe there were worms in his brain. Maybe he should carve them out...

No. No, he knew what this was. He was in withdrawal from the Super Mushrooms. It was hurting his brain. Maybe he should just take another super mushroom. He'd feel better then. And bigger...

But he was at home in Peach's castle. He couldn't grow large there. Somebody would notice. No, he had to just murder Toadsworth to prove to himself that no life had value. Then he'd be able to do anything. He could even kill...NO. Not Peach. She was too beautiful. Sure, it hurt him that she would never love him the way she loved Mario but...

He'd just thought of something.

After he killed Toadsworth...he would kill Luigi.

He smiled evily into the mirror. He reached into a secret compartment underneath and pulled out his knife. He'd hid it there years before. He wasn't sure why. Maybe he had known that one day he'd need it. He would kill Toadsworth tomorrow, when he was walking through the castle on his way to Peach's room. He'd memoriesed Toadsworth's routine. It would be so easy.

And then he would kill Mario's stinking brother.

[Cassie]

Don't be a murderer of Toadsworth, mofo.

[Cassie]

[CaptainWacky]

How did you find my secret Twitter?

[CaptainWacky]

Charles Hose
rgsjfp
tgd

HSg

gr
gd
hj

Charles Horse



__________________

"I feel ill all thetime can't be bothered doingsdahlglfdst
bh


there is no charles horse

ther eis no nothing

jjust

something wrong

gall tiemt

e

fingers hurt

stomach weird

teeth hurt

brain hurts

left eye doesn't shut right

just

fucking

everyting really

just want to sleep so i don't have a body anymore

you have no weight when your'e asleep

gdsfffffffffdg

can't we just be brains in jars

with robotbodies or living in a virtual realty orms ehting

why do we have stupid bodies

it's stupid

why are we accepting this shit

nhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

maybe should shoult

maybe i should start posts htingsoftehday on TKagain lol

oh wait no one posts there

because it's too hard to post on a message board when you can just like shit on facebook

so no point me trying really

just posting it here forme REAL FRIENDS

andsagd
a

no really my fngers are tired

what if I can't type anymore

it's all I have

it's all I am

it's my identity

the keyboard is an extenions of my body

so yeah

maybe my internet career is winding down

maybe I should psot the next WHOH (once Menty increases the character limit) then fade aaway

no one will notice really

at fis thtey will

but they'll move on

they all move on

because you're real people

and not just fngers

______________________________

BrickMan: I AM BRICKMAn.

Popular Girl: Oh shut up.

BrickMan: I feel shame.

Popular girl: ARe you still here

THE ENd

___________________

yeah

I hate everyhting
#gidsg
pfgjphtp
pgbfp
bgfffffffffffffffij
gsd
d


yeah

'mgggggggggggg

yea this is depresison

lol
ittit'sboring

usjustwanttosleep

[CaptainWacky]

The Toad woke. He went through his normal morning routine - eating breakfast, brushing his Toad teeth - as if it was any other day. But then he took his dagger and held it to his chest. And, for some reason, he took a super mushroom as well.

As he walked out of his Toad hosue he started to think about how he'd gotten here. He'd become so consumed with killing Toadsworth that it was now the only thing he ever thought about. It was his life. He would knife Toadsworth in the heart and then just walk into the crowd, leaving chaos in his wake. He could feel the knife slipping inside...

But what if there was another way? Was he really meant for this? Had he gone mad? Were there really worms in his mind? Why was he thinking all this now, when he needed to be single-minded more than ever?

He was in the castle, heading to where he knew Toadsworth was...and yet part of him was tempted to eat the super mushroom instead. To show the world what he really was. Why become a serial killer? Why keep it a secret? He should be proud of what he is...

Then he thought of turning the knife on himself, driving it into his own heart...and he saw Toadsworth...talking to Peach...

He felt such shame as he looked at her. He hadn't been ready for that.

With one hand he drove the knife into his heart, yet with the other he shoved the super mushroom into his mouth. He imagined himself growing large in death, imagined Peach staring in horror at his dead freak body...

But he didn't die. Somehow, the knife was pushed from his chest as he grew. The super mushroom had healed him. He was alive, and huge, and standing right in front of Peach and Toadsworth.

"Gosh!" said Peach, her hand to her mouth. The Toad thought of ripping her head off. But he grabbed Toadsworth by the beard instead...

Then he felt pain as something hit him on the head. He let go of Toadsworth and staggered back. Someone had just jumped on his head. A man was standing in front of him.

"It'sa me, Mario!" said Mario.

[Cassie]

MARIO TO THE RESCUE!

[CaptainWacky]

And so at last he was facing Mario. He'd always known this moment would come. The Toad was hurt from Mario jumping on his head, but he hadn't shrunk. The illegall super mushroom he'd taken could take at least one hit.

"Why you no-a shrink?" asked Mario, confused.

"I am stronger than you can possibly imagine," said the Toad. He realised what he was now. He was the villain. "I'll crush you with my bare hands!"

"Mario, take this!" said Peach. She tossed a fire flower in Mario's directon. It would give him the power to throw fireballs if he caught it. The Toad jumped high, shocking Mario. The Toad crashed into the ceiling leaving a whole in it, but he dind't care. Mario backed away to avoid the Toad landing on him. The Toad landed in the perfect position to catch the fire flower. He felt the power flow through him. The power of fire. He turned to face Peach. She looked so small now, so weak. He would burn her up.

"Princess, run!" said Toadsworth, grabbing her arm. The Toad launched a fire ball at her, but it was his first time firing one and his aim was off. It did shoot right by Toadsworth's face though, and the old fool fell to the ground clutching it in pain. His moustache had been burned clean off.

Mario charged at the Toad, taking his attention away from Peach for a moment. The Toad fired fireball after fireball at Mario, but the plumber jumped over them. Some of the fireballs hit objects around the castle, starting fires. Curtains, carpets, chairs all burst into flames. Mario was getting closer. The Toad launched a huge fireball but Mario ducked it at the last second. The fireball took out a whole window, leaving a hole in the wall.

The Toad glanced over at Peach and saw her running off with Toadsworth. He'd kill her later. Suddnel Mario punched him. The Toad had not been expecting that, as Mario had rarely thrown a punch since Mario 64. But it barely hurt. He laughed and kicked Mario back.

"I'm stronger than anyone you've ever faced before," he said. "I will burn you to death!" The Toad was not hurt by the heat in the burning castle. The fire flower offered immunity.

"You'll have to-a catch me first!" said Mario, and suddenly he jumped out the hole where the window had been. The Toad followed him. He smashed his way through and jumped to Peach's garden below. It was partly on fire too. He decided to burn up more of it by launching more fireballs at all the trees and flowers. He stalked Mario through the smoke.

"I don't know why I was ever afraid of you," said the Toad. "I don't know why I ever thought you were something special. I will conquer the Mushroom Kingdom myself. I will finally kill Bowser, the one thing you have never been able to do. And I shall make Peach my wife!"

But he couldn't find Mario. There was so much fire, so much smoke. Where could he be...

And then he saw him, too late. Mario had climbed up the wall of the castle again and jumped off at the Toad. The Toad tried to shoot a fireball at him, but Mario was too high. He came right down on the Toad's head. He bunched off...and then came back down on it again. A double jump. Still the Toad did not shrink. But then on the third jump, Mario did a butt pound. And the Toad felt it. He felt himself lose his fire powers. He grabbed Maro before he could bounce again and through him off.

"I don't need fire to kill you," said the Toad. "I'm still big."

"You're a small man," said Mario. "A small, pathetic man."

"RRRRRRRR!" said the Toad, running at him.

Mario effortlessly jumped over him and came down hard on his head.

The Toad shrunk back to normal size.

TO BE CONCLUDED

[Cassie]

THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME.

[CaptainWacky]

After that he didn't remember much more. Mario knocked him out somehow and he woke in a cell in the castle. Mario was standing there, watching from behind the bars. The Toad's head still hurt. He shut his eyes, hoping it had all been a dream. But Mario was still there, starting at him from behind his moustache. The Toad sat up.

"You did it," he said. "You won. Congratulations."

"I never wanted to fight a Toad," said Mario.

"What happened to your stupid accent?" asked the Toad.

"I talk like that to keep things light," said Mario. "There's nothing funny about this."

"So what now, huh?" asked the Toad. "What are you going to do to me?"

"That's not up to me," said Mario. The Toad shuddered at the thought of Peach judging him.

"I won't be the last," said the Toad. "Others will rise up like me...and one of them will kill you."

"No Toad could ever be like you," said Mario. "I have known Toads for many many years. They are the most lovely, kind hearted people. You are...you are wrong. And I have nothing more to say to you." Mario walked away just like that. The Toad stared out through the bars, waiting. Eventually she came.

"You are to be executed," said Peach, as soon as she arrived. She nearly turned to leave.

"No!" said the Toad. "Please, I beg mercy...if not for me, for you. No Toad has ever been executed before. It would break the heart of your subjects if you..."

"Break the heart of my subjects!?" interrupted an angry Peach. "Your killing spree has already done that!"

"I only killed bad people! Goombas, Koopas, Boos..."

"The fire you started in the castle kill six Toads and four Toadettes. Toadsworth is scarred for life."

"...oh. But...it was the super mushrooms. They weren't pure, they drove me insane. I wasn't myself. I wasn't in control."

"You knew the risks when you bought them."

"I...I didn't know it would be like this. You have to understand, Princess! So much power! The temptation to rip people apart..."

"I've had power you cannot possibly imagine," snapped Peach. "I've taken giant mushrooms, do you know what they do? They turned me into a giantess. I helped Mario beat giant Koopas. I've felt power."

"Then you understand!"

"NO. NEVER. I gave that power up, willingly. I never killed unless I had to, and I'd never do what you did."

"I was only going to kill Toadsworth!" he cried. "It just got out of control...I didn't...I..."

"I'll see you in the morning for your execution," said Peach.

He had hours to think about it. To think about where it had all gone wrong. He couldn't figure it out. He couldn't understand how it had gotten this bad. Maybe...maybe he'd just been born wrong. He'd never felt at home with the jolly Toads. He'd never felt like he'd belonged. He was...he was just a monster. He started laughing. That was it all along. It wasn't everyone else who was at fault. It was him.

He laughed more when they took him out to have his head chopped off. He saw the Toad executioner with his axe waiting. He saw Peach, in a black dress. Mario was there, Luigi, even Toadsworth with a bandaged face. The Toad made eye contact with them all. He wanted them all to see his madness.

He was made to kneel with his head in position. The axeman prepared to swing, but Peach stopped him.

"She who passes the sentence should swing the axe," said Peach. There were gasps as Peach took the axe for herself. The Toad waited. His last thought was of Peach, in her black dress, holding the axe, about to end his life. It gave him a Toad erection.

She took his head clean off with one swing.

EPILOGUE

Peach stared at herself in the mirror. Yes she'd killed enemies before, but only when they'd attacked her. This...this was different. The Toad had been helpless. Even after everything he'd done, Peach could have showed him mercy. But she hadn't. She'd killed him.

And it had felt good. She smiled.

THE END