The Twitter thread of tweets.

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Wed Nov 14, 2018 10:22 pm

Portland OR Alerts
@pdxalerts
Portland > police to Chapman Square, report of a possibly high male, removed a man hole cover, is sweating profusely & now has a screwdriver and is trying to push over benches. #Avoidthearea

An enemy of benches?

Post by **Cassie** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 8:46 am

Avoid the area!

Post by **Cassie** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 8:59 am

Drunk raccoons!

Post by **Eggs Loki** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 10:28 am

Newest crimes in Trump's America: Aggravated Sweating, and RUFI (Raccooning Under Fermented Influence).

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 7:40 pm

They should have gotten a drunk in public citation!

Post by **Cassie** » Sun Nov 18, 2018 4:18 pm

It happens.

Post by **Eggs Loki** » Sun Nov 18, 2018 4:24 pm

THEY DON'T CALL IT BUBBLE & SQUEAK FER NOTHIN'!

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Wed Nov 21, 2018 11:58 am

rtland OR Alerts
@pdxalerts
Portland > police to NW 6th/Couch, caller reports being threatened by a male with
a knife. Caller is holding a kitten

Put down the kitten!

Post by **Cassie** » Wed Nov 21, 2018 1:42 pm

Kittens are made of knives!

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Wed Nov 21, 2018 2:40 pm

That's basic biology.

Post by **Eggs Loki** » Wed Nov 21, 2018 5:25 pm

You're blinding me with your science!

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Wed Nov 21, 2018 8:35 pm

Post by **Cassie** » Thu Nov 29, 2018 8:46 pm

She chained herself to Twitter because they suspended her acct.

PEE YOUR PANTS, LAURA!

Post by **Eggs Loki** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 12:18 am

HA HA LAURA PEEPANTS!

Eventually she gave up and they cut her handcuffs off and she went home. FAIL.

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 2:34 am

Portland: police to BiMart NE 123/Halsey, caller in the pharmacy reports a male at the drive up window threatening them with a chain, described as a white male in all black pushing a shopping cart

Dec 1, 2018

The shopping cart is a nice touch, I think.

Post by **Cassie** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:46 am

Post by **Eggs Loki** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:56 am

I'd say that tweet won that hour's hashtag contest, but I don't see a hashtag.

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 11:23 am

Post by **Cassie** » Mon Dec 17, 2018 9:30 pm

BEAT IT BEAT IT BEAT IT!

Dr Dave · Post by **Dr Dave** » Mon Dec 17, 2018 11:00 pm

Dirty Jesus is dirty.